Swanky’s “Voice of Reason”: In Defense of Religious Intolerance [Satire]

[Editor’s Note: Satire Warning!!!   T.S. Swanky first appeared in a previous blog. He is an imaginary conservative columnist who, in the spirit of the First Amendment, is tolerated at The Pacific and, when Swanky is particularly obtuse, sort of treasured. Swanky’s opinions are, of course, all his own and do not represent the general liberal enlightenment of this blog.]

By T.S. Swanky (imaginary conservative columnist *)

It won’t take me long to demolish the arguments of my liberal, anti-religion opponents regarding all the hype/hoopla/hysterics about this Indiana law and its so-called discrimination against the Sodomites, the definition of which I refer you, perhaps for the first time, to the Bible.

Look, this is a free country and open homosexuality is now legal. I get it. But that doesn’t mean bakers have to make cakes celebrating the marriage of Sodom & Gomorrah. (Who’s the husband, who’s the wife? Who knows?)

Alright, the Indiana Republicans and their governor weren’t fooling anybody but themselves when they claimed they weren’t discriminating against gays and lesbians, but the whole point of religion is discrimination. I mean, sin is sin for a reason. God Discriminates, doesn’t He? Paradise or Inferno, what’s it going to be? We Americans discriminate all the time. We choose this, reject that. So this being a free country, isn’t it reasonable to say that religious people have the unalienable right to inflict their religious intolerance on other Americans under the protection of law?

It’s all about tolerance. What are we willing to tolerate? If we tolerate everything, how will we know what not to tolerate? As the great and eloquent former governor of Arkansas, Mike Huckabee, recently put it:

“And that’s what I’m seeing here is that in the name of tolerance, there’s intolerance. In the name of diversity, there’s uniformity. In the name of acceptance, there’s true discrimination.”

Speaking of intolerance, Huckabee was not referring to Indiana Republicans and their law. He was referring to the “militant gay community” who will not tolerate being discriminated against, at least by state law.

Seems to me these militant folks and their liberal friends need a lesson in true Christian tolerance and love.

* The “voice of reason,” T.S. Swanky was brought in to attract and retain those wealthy readers whose imaginations (and sympathies) remain somewhat underdeveloped by their stressful jobs and heavy Internet use. Imaginary author of the imaginary and acclaimed bestseller, Mothers, Children, Pets and Other Moochers.

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