Drawing of the Major General from the programme of the D’Oyly Carte Opera Company’s children’s production of The Pirates of Penzance, 1884. Public Domain in the United States. https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File%3AMajGeneraldrawing.jpg

By Rumple Oxbridge, radical rhymer

The president says diplomacy

is “very difficult” so we

may have a “major, major conflict” [war]

(lots of majors, lots of gore)

with Koreans of the North.

As for Koreans of the South,

Trump says they owe us for the clout

of the new missile system “THAAD.”

Besides, our trade agreement’s bad

and we’re tired of being had

announced the president yesterday.

(THAAD costs one billion, by the way.)

And so the South is doubly screwed–

if it’s war, it’s theirs to lose.

And if it’s peace, the bill is due.

(If I were South Korea I’d

return the missiles, flee to China.

And then I’d send a bill to Trump

for any war that isn’t minor.

Not to add to the confusion

but Pentagon says nothin’ to it–

U.S. will pay or maybe will

renegotiate the bill.

South Koreans getting mad;

march with signs that simply say, “Hate THAAD.”

And so we’ve made a major, major mess

likely to get more major, not less.)