Couplets: “It Was a Dark and STORMY Day”

Within the White House the forecast is "Stormy." But the president swears that NOTHING porny Ever happened with that woman hushed With money that had NOTHING to do with slush. Lawyers pay off porn stars all the time Right before elections . . . with their own dime Without the knowledge of the one was…

T.S. Swanky: “A Gun is Free Speech” [Satire]

By T.S. Swanky,  an imaginary, confused conservative Civil liberties? Let's just call them "liberal liberties" from now on. I was barely recovered from the shockingly disturbing news that President Trump and Steve Bannon were parting ways, when I read that the ACLU, which had bravely stood up for the rights of racists to express themselves…

An Alleged Copy of a White House Transcript Provided Courtesy of Russia [Satire]

By JFK Discussion in the Offal Oval Office of The White House via Great Generosity of Russia !Official Transcript! cc: U.S.A. Russian Foreign Minister: Hey, Donny. What's new? President T.: I get great intel. I have people brief me on great intel every day. F.M.: No kidding. What's "intel"? T. : You know, secret stuff.  I…

Riverboat Sam: “Our President is Singing Like a Canary”

By Riverboat Sam, technical specialist/digital skeptic If brevity is the soul of wit, Twitter is the home of witlessness. The problem as it strikes a very old guy like me is as stated: Twitter is to publication like spitting is to art. OK, I'll spell it out for you. Not many people are good at off…

T.S. Swanky: “Darwin was Right About Health Care” [Satire]

By T.S. Swanky, The Pacific's imaginary, confused conservative When liberals say they value scientific theories like evolution and "global warming," what they mean is that they like liberal science, the kind that makes them feel good about hating religion, industry and America. But what about conservative science, you know, all the research that confirms that corporations, President…

Riverboat Sam: “Night Surfing Not a Brilliant Idea”

"We hear all our lives about the 'gentle, stormless Pacific,' and about the 'smooth and delightful route to the Sandwich Islands,' and about the 'steady blowing trades' that never vary, never change, never 'chop around,' and all the days of our boyhood we read how that infatuated old ass, Balboa, looked out from the top…

T.S. Swanky: “War is Making TRUMP (and US) Great!” [Satire]

By T.S. Swanky, an imaginary, confused conservative. Any resemblance to any actual person or conservative columnist, living or dead, is an astounding coincidence. I confess that I was one of the many conservative "Never Trumpers" who said publicly before the election that I would under absolutely no circumstances stoop to voting for a guy that the most…

Let’s just build a wall around Wisconsin

Since the building of really big walls for the good of the nation is now a popular idea among some Americans, especially Republican presidential candidates and a former Republican presidential candidate,  Wisconsin Republicans now governing the state should consider building a wall around the state's borders. Such a wall would keep the wrong people out and…

“VOT_ for Republicans!”– An Issue Ad for Our Times [Satire]

We at the Wisconsin Institute for Insisting that Issue Ads are Not About Electing Anybody (WIII . . .) have teamed up with the Wisconsin Club for Circumventing Justice and the Wisconsin Supremely Conservative Court to bring you the following nonpartisan advertisement on the issue of campaign finance reform.                                                       VOT_  for Republicans! Narrator: Are…

T.S. Swanky: “Motherhood and Monopoly” [Satire]

(Mother's Day card, 1916 by Northern Pacific Railway (eBay item card front card back) [Public domain], via Wikimedia Commons) (Editor's Note: Former imaginary conservative columnist T.S. Swanky, aka "the voice of reason," asked to return for he fictionally failed to find suitable employment elsewhere. In southeastern Wisconsin these days conservative commentators are a dime a…

Earth Calls the Governor [Satire]

(Photo by NASA Goddard Space Flight Center Image by Reto Stöckl [Public domain], via Wikimedia Commons) By John Kaufman Earth (our home) called Gov. W. to chat about Earth Day.  Though Earth tried to identify itself, the governor assumed the caller was somebody else. If there is any doubt, this is a work of fiction.…

“Dairyland” is Trending Obsolete [Satire]

[Photo by EPA, Public Domain] By Homer Coldfield (fictional farm & rural columnist *) I've been itching to get my turn at this digital soapbox to give you all a little perspective, especially you Wisconsin urban-ites driving around with "America's Dairyland" on your license plates as if you all identified with Holsteins and manure. Just…

Riverboat Sam: “A Yankee in King Scott Walker’s Court”

[Photo by Underwood & Underwood (Public domain), via Wikimedia Commons] By Riverboat Sam As the "technical specialist" of this electrical rag, I am not supposed to butt in with my own political pontificating, but my residence in this here Wisconsin has so far been thoroughly provoking. Being quite advanced in age, I know humbug when…

T.S. Swanky: In Defense of Religious Intolerance [Satire]

[Editor's Note: Satire Warning!!!   T.S. Swanky is an imaginary conservative columnist who, in the spirit of the First Amendment, is tolerated at The Pacific. Swanky's opinions are, of course, all his own and do not represent the general liberal enlightenment of this blog.] By T.S. Swanky *, imaginary, confused conservative It won't take me long to…